Loving the Babysitter by Dee Cassandra

Author:Dee, Cassandra [Dee, Cassandra]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Published: 2017-01-04T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Mandy

Campus was miserable, but then I wasn’t expecting much. I knew what I was coming back to. It was winter, the sky grey, the buildings grey, heck, even the people and plants were grey to me now, everything looked the same.

But right, I was here to get an education and not moon endlessly about my past life. Because oh god, winter break with Mr. Parker had been crazy … crazy amazing, that is. I’d fallen in love with a man twice my age, a divorced guy with a daughter, the emotional, the physical, everything between us so good, so right, that I was questioning myself now. Why had I left? Why had I given up a future with the man that I loved for this, studying by myself in the library, an endless parade of exams, tests, quizzes, essays to write, all about things that I didn’t care about?

So I waited impatiently in the bathroom, tapping the counter, fidgety and nervous. The instructions had said the results would be immediate, that there was no wait time but so far, nothing had appeared on the pregnancy test. Not one stripe, not two, and I checked the back of the box again, maybe I’d read the instructions wrong.

But slowly, the blue liquid seeped a little more and the applicator began to flicker. I held my breath, eyes fixed on the plastic stick, heart beating so hard I was sure my roommate could hear outside even though she was listening to music. And then, with a whoof, I exhaled. Not pregnant. There was only one line. Mr. Parker hadn’t knocked me up, I was still me, just me, no baby inside.

And I stood stock still in the bathroom, trembling before the mirror, heart pounding. I looked the same of course. From the outside, I was still Mandy Smith, nerdy girl with curly brown hair and wide brown eyes. But as I stared at myself, my chin started quivering, lips trembling, and slowly, so slowly, a tear formed in the corner of my eye, sliding down my cheek until it dripped off onto the counter.

Because I wanted to be pregnant. I’d wanted Mr. Parker’s baby in me, for his virile sperm to do its work, to make me his, make both of us his. And I guess I’d been waiting for a sign. If I did get pregnant, then it was definitely meant to be, I was going to leave school and move in with him, burrow myself in love, relax in his arms as I grew large with his child. But no. Instead, I was still me, un-pregnant, not pregnant, just the same as before with the same future that had been set out since birth.

What did you expect? I asked myself angrily. That you’d get knocked up in a flash, like some kind of easy-bake oven? But the truth was, yeah, I was kind of hoping so. Mr. Parker and I had made love countless times, never getting enough of one another’s bodies, savoring the physical again and again and again.

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